“But one should not feel or think about this kind of life after the fashion of the heathen. No, one should acknowledge God as the Creator, and one should bend the knee in humility and implore Him in faith to bestow a companion and bedmate. When this spirit and faith are associated with the invocation; then one will be able to take care of everything else in a reasonable manner, to deal with one’s parents, and to listen to their advice. Later on, if everything does not turn out according to your wish, you nevertheless have this comfort: “I have prayed. I have asked God, my parents, and my relatives for advice. If anything untoward happens, I shall bear it calmly.” For it is a great comfort to have God as a Witness and Supporter, and one’s parents and relatives as confidants and advisers.

On the other hand, if you have entered into a marriage at your own risk and without the knowledge of your parents, it will everlastingly trouble and distress your heart. You will say: “Behold, I am being punished for my foolishness and obstinacy. I have displeased my parents; and I, in turn, am being burdened with every kind of misfortune.” That is an unbearable cross” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.248).

“What is more desirable than a happy and peaceful marriage, where mutual love reigns and there is a most delightful union of the hearts? A marriage of this kind is praised everywhere as a miracle. When I, as a young man, heard such commendations and praise of an honorable and happy marriage—likewise, when I read in Paul (Eph. 5:25): “Husbands, love your wives”—I used to wonder why this happened and what purpose it served to give exhortations and precepts about the love of spouses among whom one could often find not only love but even passion.

But experience has taught me that out of many marriages hardly one merits praise. From this fact stem those common disparaging statements: “The bed in which a wife lies is never free from wranglings and mutual bickerings.” On this account many men are most vehemently averse to marriage” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.247-248).

“Moreover, Isaac does not oppose his father but takes his advice with the utmost goodwill.

Therefore let all young people remember this example, and let them learn to respect the authority of their parents and the sanctity of the divine ordinance. Let them not think that intercourse is bestial, as the pope supposes it to be. But above all they should call upon their true Father and the Author of all things, in order that they may start without sin: “Lord God, Thou hast created me a man. Thou seest that I cannot be continent. I am calling upon Thee. Direct and bless my undertaking. Give me counsel and help. Choose for me a woman with whom I may be able to live honorably and to serve Thee, and by faith and prayer to overcome the inconveniences and difficulties of marriage.” Those who disdain these admonitions and are carried away by a blind impulse, without faith and prayer, will eventually experience, and be overwhelmed by, all kinds of misfortunes” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.247).

“Therefore Abraham is concerned about his son and about the bride and the family of his son. And this is a matter of divine right and has to do with the definition of marriage over against the pope, who makes a brothel of marriage and does not see any difference between the coition of beasts and that of human beings.

I do not doubt that very many girls were offered to Isaac and that among them there were some who were beautiful, rich, and of noble birth. But Abraham closes his eyes and forbids his son to marry any one of them, not because he opposes the honorable desire of his son, who, because of his age, was now ready for marriage, but because he wants by all means to give him a respectable girl in marriage, not one who would be his son’s ruin and an offense to the entire church” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.246-247).

“Therefore these dangers to his household came into his mind in order that he might not look for a beautiful or rich woman but might seek one who was honest and respectable, one who would be diligent and painstaking in managing the household. For to be subject to domineering wives is not only irksome but also disgraceful; and they should not lord it over their husbands but over oxen, sheep, and asses….

Abraham understood all these things, for he was a spiritual and intelligent man. Therefore he was unwilling to mix his seed with the blood of the Canaanites, lest his son become an idolater and the commingling of the seed lead at the same time to an intermingling of holy and idolatrous forms of worship. The worship of the saints is evidently plain and without show and splendor. On the other hand, the ungodly are puffed up with their righteousness, and by their show they very easily deceive the weak. Therefore Abraham saw that his son would nevertheless be in grave danger, even though he might not be led astray” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.246).

“To sum the matter up: whoever finds himself unsuited to the celibate life should see to it right away that he has something to do and to work at; then let him strike out in God’s name and get married. A young man should marry at the age of twenty at the latest, a young woman at fifteen to eighteen; that’s when they are still in good health and best suited for marriage. Let God worry about how they and their children are to be fed. God makes children; he will surely also feed them. Should he fail to exalt you and them here on earth, then take satisfaction in the fact that he has granted you a Christian marriage, and know that he will exalt you there; and be thankful to him for his gifts and favors.

With all this extolling of married life, however, I have not meant to ascribe to nature a condition of sinlessness. On the contrary, I say that flesh and blood, corrupted through Adam, is conceived and born in sin, as Psalm 51[:5] says. Intercourse is never without sin; but God excuses it by his grace because the estate of marriage is his work, and he preserves in and through the sin all that good which he has implanted and blessed in marriage” (Luther’s Works, v. 45, p. 48).

“Let such heathen go their way; we will not argue with them. If they should be lucky enough to obtain such wives the marriages would still be un-Christian and without faith. They trust in God as long as they know that they do not need him, and that they are well supplied. He who would enter into wedlock as a Christian must not be ashamed of being poor and despised, and doing insignificant work. He should take satisfaction in this: first, that his status and occupation are pleasing to God; second, that God will most certainly provide for him if only he does his job to the best of his ability, and that, if he cannot be a squire or a prince, he is a manservant or a maidservant.

God has promised in Matthew 6[:25, 33], “Do not be anxious about what you shall eat, drink, and put on; seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.” Again Psalm 37[:25] says, “I have been young and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or his children begging bread.” H a man does not believe this, is it any wonder that he suffers hunger, thirst, and cold, and begs for bread? Look at Jacob, the holy patriarch, who in Syria had nothing and simply tended sheep; he received such possessions that he supported four wives with a large number of servants and children, and yet he had enough. Abraham, Isaac, and Lot also became rich, as did many other holy men in the Old Testament.

Indeed, God has shown sufficiently in the first chapter of Genesis how he provides for us. He first created and prepared all things in heaven and on earth, together with the beasts and all growing things, before he created man. Thereby he demonstrated how he has laid up for us at all times a sufficient store of food and clothing, even before we ask him for it. All we need to do is to work and avoid idleness; then we shall certainly be fed and clothed. But a pitiful unbelief refuses to admit this. The unbeliever sees, comprehends, and feels all the same that even if he worries himself to death over it, he can neither produce nor maintain a single grain of wheat in the field. He knows too that even though all his storehouses were full to overflowing, he could not make use of a single morsel or thread unless God sustains him in life and health and preserves to him his possessions. Yet this has no effect upon him”  (Luther’s Works, v. 45, p.47-48).

“Finally, we have before us one big, strong objection to answer. Yes, they say, it would be a fine thing to be married, but how will I support myself? I have nothing; take a wife and live on that, etc. Undoubtedly, this is the greatest obstacle to marriage; it is this above all which prevents and breaks up marriage and is the chief excuse for fornication. What shall I say to this objection? It shows lack of faith and doubt of God’s goodness and truth. It is therefore no wonder that where faith is lacking, nothing but fornication and all manner of misfortune follow. They are lacking in this, that they want to be sure first of their material resources, where they are to get their food, drink, and clothing [Matt. 6:31]. Yes, they want to pull their head out of the noose of Genesis 3[:19], “In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread.” They want to be lazy, greedy rascals who do not need to work. Therefore, they will get married only if they can get wives who are rich, beautiful, pious, kind—indeed, wait, we’ll have a picture of them drawn for you”  (Luther’s Works, v. 45, p. 47).

“Here I will let the matter rest and leave to others the task of searching out further benefits and advantages of the estate of marriage. My purpose was only to enumerate those which a Christian can have for conducting his married life in a Christian way, so that, as Solomon says, he may find his wife in the sight of God and obtain favor from the Lord [Prov. 18:22]. In saying this I do not wish to disparage virginity, or entice anyone away from virginity into marriage. Let each one act as he is able, and as he feels it has been given to him by God. I simply wanted to check those scandalmongers who place marriage so far beneath virginity that they dare to say: Even if the children should become holy [I Cor. 7:14], celibacy would still be better. One should not regard any estate as better in the sight of God than the estate of marriage. In a worldly sense celibacy is probably better, since it has fewer cares and anxieties. This is true, however, not for its own sake but in order that the celibate may better be able to preach and care for God’s word, as St. Paul says in I Corinthians 7[:32–34]. It is God’s word and the preaching which make celibacy—such as that of Christ and of Paul—better than the estate of marriage. In itself, however, the celibate life is far inferior”  (Luther’s Works, v. 45, p. 46-47).

But the greatest good in married life, that which makes all suffering and labor worth while, is that God grants offspring and commands that they be brought up to worship and serve him. In all the world this is the noblest and most precious work, because to God there can be nothing dearer than the salvation of souls. Now since we are all duty bound to suffer death, if need be, that we might bring a single soul to God, you can see how rich the estate of marriage is in good works. God has entrusted to its bosom souls begotten of its own body, on whom it can lavish all manner of Christian works. Most certainly father and mother are apostles, bishops, and priests to their children, for it is they who make them acquainted with the gospel. In short, there is no greater or nobler authority on earth than that of parents over their children, for this authority is both spiritual and temporal. Whoever teaches the gospel to another is truly his apostle and bishop. Mitre and staff and great estates indeed produce idols, but teaching the gospel produces apostles and bishops. See therefore how good and great is God’s work and ordinance!”  (Luther’s Works, v. 45, p.46).