Martin Weyer, a student of noble birth from Pomerania, was called back home by his father. Since the father was an old man and was accustomed to papistic usages, the son asked Dr. Martin Luther how he should deal with his father in order to be able to benefit him. He inquired if during the time of his father’s illness he ought to attend papistic ceremonies and, in particular, private mass.

Dr. Martin Luther replied that he should in every way accommodate himself to his father, under no circumstances offend him, and adapt himself to his fasting, praying, invocation of the saints, and hearing of masses. At the same time, Luther said, through the Word of God the son should instruct his parent in the doctrine of justification and the words of the Creed. Above all, he should diligently impress upon him the preaching of Jesus Christ, and only after all this should he dwell on his upright life and his pure conversation. Then there will be hope for the father. If the father should not be changed by all this, the son must bear his infirmity, pray, and commend him to God. He should take care in every possible way not to offend his father by his liberty but should become the spiritual father of him who is his physical father. If for this purpose he adjusts himself to his father, he will not sin by attending mass and other profane rites.

(Luther’s Works, v. 54, No. 4568: A Student Goes Home to See His Sick Father, May 7, 1539)

Therefore I think that this priest was a different man from the one mentioned above, so that Joseph did not marry the daughter of his master and seems to have taken wise precautions in his own interest, since the example of the adulterous mother was at hand. Consequently, it is my opinion that the very honorable and chaste young man carefully abstained from marriage with the daughter of a most dishonorable mother.

For that monk counseled that anyone who wanted to court a maiden should not give his attention to the father but should rather consider the mother, since daughters generally imitate her ways.⁵³ And the Germans have a proverb which says: “Beer tastes like the keg. If the mother is a harlot, the daughter is not pious.” Nevertheless, it can happen that an infamous mother or a godless father brings forth a daughter or a son who is good and honorable, and vice versa. It is my opinion that there were two men with this name, the former being in charge of the meat supply throughout all Egypt, the latter being the bishop of the churches and divine worship. This man’s daughter Joseph married on the advice of the king. But I leave it undecided whether this is the true opinion or not, because the Christian faith and religion are not imperiled in this point. (Luther’s Works, vol. 7, p 198).

“But why does Abraham forbid his servant to look for one of the daughters of the Canaanites? My answer is that Abraham, near death, had experienced many things in this land when he lived among the heathen people. It was necessary for him to observe their customs and way of life rather carefully, to associate with them, and to talk and confer with them about various matters, inasmuch as all his wealth and livelihood—almost as in the case of a shepherd—consisted in cattle and fields. From this source he not only fed and supported his domestics but also sold meat, butter, milk, cheese, and similar products. This could not be done without close association with the inhabitants and citizens. Consequently, as a result of that association and intimacy, some, possibly of the foremost families of Ephron or others, were perhaps induced to desire Isaac, such a respectable and handsome young man, as a son-in-law or relative by marriage. And above it has been stated that because of God’s blessing Abraham was wealthy. For this reason alone they surely wanted to be friends with him.

But Abraham had various reasons for refusing this. He was afraid of dangers either for his household or for his church. Perhaps he did not like the character and the conduct of the girls, because they were exceedingly proud if they were distinguished by wealth, beauty, or descent. For it is especially hard to be a son-in-law in the house of a powerful and rich man, and nothing is more unbearable than a rich and domineering woman; for the husband is forced to comply with his wife’s command and authority, or by their blandishments the women at least prevail over and weaken the men who are in the clutches of love” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.245-246).

“Accordingly, a happy and joyous marriage is very rare; for people do not distinguish the work of God from original sin. But Holy Scripture honors marriage with true and most ample praises and shows how it is the source and origin of the household, the state, and the church, which derive their origin and growth from it so far as their substance is concerned. In the church one seeks the glory of God; in the state, peace; and in the household, the rearing of children. In addition, marriage comprises a huge number of good works and fruits.

Hence God, Abraham, and those who are truly godly regard marriage in a manner that is far different from the view held by the pope, who considers only the lust and the pleasure, that is, original sin, and then also the cross and the afflictions in marriage.

Meanwhile, however, God, in His accustomed mercy, bears with the faults and the punishments of the original evil, because they are hidden, being covered by the blessing and the marvelous abundance of good works, These fruits the papists do not see but call them civil, secular, and carnal works. Consequently, they look at them as a horse and a mule does (Ps. 32:9). Their judgment is not in accord with Scripture, which points out the fruits and good works of marriage. Indeed, the heathen, too, approved of marriage and wanted to compel their youth to marry, in order that human society might be preserved. But those who, like the papists and the monks, avoided the accustomed troubles and vexations have devised unusual endeavors, works, and orders designed to please themselves and God. Thus even though they saw, they did not see the things that have been mentioned” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.249-250).

“But the ungodly give consideration to the vituperations and the inconveniences of marriage and therefore shun it and fall into the works of the flesh: uncleanness, fornication, and adultery, of which Paul says in Gal. 5:21: “Those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”

I am discussing these matters rather carefully and extensively because I see that the Holy Spirit did not disdain to describe His own work at such great length. Ungodly and wicked men, who suppose that everything happens by chance, understand nothing in the Holy Scriptures and the creatures of God. But it is our duty to read and to instruct others, in order that from Holy Scripture we may gain knowledge of the creatures, and from the creatures of the Creator.

Scripture points out that God’s creature has been blinded and marred. For this reason it praises the dignity of marriage at such great length. We are to learn, and to teach others that marriage is not to be held in slight esteem, as the flesh and the world are in the habit of doing. They do not consider what marriage is but take into account only concupiscence, lust, and sensual pleasure. They strive for ease and riches, which are original sin itself, by which our wretched nature is horribly contaminated. Therefore instead of the pleasure and enjoyment hoped for, they eventually find vexation, grief, and trouble” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.248-249).

“Accordingly, this is a very fine chapter not only for doing honor to marriage but also for comforting the consciences of those who experience the inconveniences of marriage.

Inexperienced young people do not see the annoyances and burdens of marriage beforehand. Nor do they consider that they have the devil as their enemy. He hates the begetting of children as well as the respect, the mutual love, and the harmony of spouses. The bridegroom and the bride do not trouble themselves about these things. Therefore they should be taught to bring this trust with them: ‘Lord God, I have entered into this kind of life in accordance with Thy will and with an appeal for Thy help. Thou wilt give the grace and the blessing, that I may be able to bear the burdens that lie ahead.’ To this prayer God undoubtedly gives assent and answers: ‘Let what is being asked for be done.’” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.248).

“But one should not feel or think about this kind of life after the fashion of the heathen. No, one should acknowledge God as the Creator, and one should bend the knee in humility and implore Him in faith to bestow a companion and bedmate. When this spirit and faith are associated with the invocation; then one will be able to take care of everything else in a reasonable manner, to deal with one’s parents, and to listen to their advice. Later on, if everything does not turn out according to your wish, you nevertheless have this comfort: “I have prayed. I have asked God, my parents, and my relatives for advice. If anything untoward happens, I shall bear it calmly.” For it is a great comfort to have God as a Witness and Supporter, and one’s parents and relatives as confidants and advisers.

On the other hand, if you have entered into a marriage at your own risk and without the knowledge of your parents, it will everlastingly trouble and distress your heart. You will say: “Behold, I am being punished for my foolishness and obstinacy. I have displeased my parents; and I, in turn, am being burdened with every kind of misfortune.” That is an unbearable cross” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.248).

“What is more desirable than a happy and peaceful marriage, where mutual love reigns and there is a most delightful union of the hearts? A marriage of this kind is praised everywhere as a miracle. When I, as a young man, heard such commendations and praise of an honorable and happy marriage—likewise, when I read in Paul (Eph. 5:25): “Husbands, love your wives”—I used to wonder why this happened and what purpose it served to give exhortations and precepts about the love of spouses among whom one could often find not only love but even passion.

But experience has taught me that out of many marriages hardly one merits praise. From this fact stem those common disparaging statements: “The bed in which a wife lies is never free from wranglings and mutual bickerings.” On this account many men are most vehemently averse to marriage” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.247-248).

“Moreover, Isaac does not oppose his father but takes his advice with the utmost goodwill.

Therefore let all young people remember this example, and let them learn to respect the authority of their parents and the sanctity of the divine ordinance. Let them not think that intercourse is bestial, as the pope supposes it to be. But above all they should call upon their true Father and the Author of all things, in order that they may start without sin: “Lord God, Thou hast created me a man. Thou seest that I cannot be continent. I am calling upon Thee. Direct and bless my undertaking. Give me counsel and help. Choose for me a woman with whom I may be able to live honorably and to serve Thee, and by faith and prayer to overcome the inconveniences and difficulties of marriage.” Those who disdain these admonitions and are carried away by a blind impulse, without faith and prayer, will eventually experience, and be overwhelmed by, all kinds of misfortunes” (Luther’s Works, v.4 p.247).